Fri May 18, 2012
Photo courtesy Walter Mladina.
R&B artist, Jean Baylor
Investing in Your Success
By Jean Baylor, New Jersey – September 2007
I grew up thinking it was okay to be mediocre. Not because my parents taught me that, but, because for some reason that was the mindset of most of my peers. Most of us made average grades and were okay with that.
As African American youths, we even referred to getting As in school as white grades – as if we didn’t have the ability to earn those same grades. In retrospect, I’m still not sure where that inferior mindset came from, especially in a family that held education in such high regard.
My mother, who attended college years after finishing high school, graduated Magna Cum Laude as a wife, mother and homemaker. My father earned three degrees including a Ph D from Princeton University. My parents laid a great foundation and set a fine example for us concerning education.
Still, I didn’t think it necessary to push myself to my fullest potential academically. I had a bad habit of relying on my natural ability to make it. Unfortunately, this tendency also crossed over into other areas of my life, such as music and sports.
Although I excelled in music and sports, earning a Lacrosse scholarship to Temple University and later becoming an internationally known recording artist, I still functioned from a place of mediocrity. I was severely irresponsible, consistently tardy and forgetful to a fault.
Even as a child, I was known as the girl who would lose her own head if it weren’t attached to her. Losing my house keys or wallet was a perfectly normal part of my day. Even as a graduating senior, I simply forgot to take a final exam. I mean, who does that? Buying pants and then losing them before I left the mall, keeping a $28,000 check around the house for over a month (coincidentally, that apartment burned down before I deposited the check) and failing to send the IRS my tax payments, was nothing out of the ordinary for me.
Over time, this behavior wreaked havoc on my finances, ultimately forcing me to sell my luxury townhouse and trade in my BMW for a Ford Escort. It sounds so ridiculous, but this was really my life.
Needless to say, this absurd lifestyle took a toll on my self-image. I remember thinking, Ill never be able to have a family. God forbid I should be responsible for someone other than myself.
Perhaps more daunting was the way other people perceived me. They either didn’t take me seriously, or felt the need to control my life. I frequently developed unhealthy relationships, becoming far too dependent on others to make decisions for
me.
It took some time, but, I began to realize that this was not the kind of life I wanted to live. I knew it was up to me to make that change. There wasn’t one particular experience that brought me to my lowest point, but rather the toll of so many years of sabotaging my own potential.
Not knowing where to begin, I remember praying and asking God to make me into the woman He created me to be. That was a defining moment in my life. It represented my decision to take responsibility for my own life and change it for the better.
I lived alone for four years which forced me to become organized and self-sufficient. That time spent alone decreased my dependency on others and I started to grow up. I realized I liked being independent. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still had a few mishaps every now and then, but, this was a time of transition.
I learned that excessive tardiness was really a lack of respect for someone else’s time as well as mine. I learned that in order for someone to respect you, you must respect yourself first. I learned that I had the potential to go far beyond my mundane expectations of myself (relative to my potential). Most important, I discovered that if you can change the way you think, you can literally change your life.
After getting married, my husband and I defined our goals and began working toward them with a clear vision in mind. Vision, goals, purpose: these things help to change your thinking and motivate you to a higher level of existence. Eventually, my irresponsibility, tardiness and forgetfulness were replaced by the zeal to accomplish my goals and live in my divine purpose. I was once a mediocre girl but today I am a wife, business owner who hopes to mentor other young ladies who are struggling to live their purpose.
It took me years to understand my personal greatness. My celebrity has nothing to do with it, but rather my discovery of what God has put inside of me to affect the
world. We are all capable of doing extraordinary things and I want to encourage others to find their divine purpose, to recognize their God-given greatness for success and act on it. It’s a wonderful thing to live the kind of life you want, but an even greater thing to help someone else do the same.
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